This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!'... and Gon's Balls will whisper 'First... comes... rock!' Hah!  Made you stare at Naruto's Marshmallow!  Pushing the logo off-center to drive TheOcean insane.  
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Old 07-20-2007
Grandkaijudomaster Grandkaijudomaster is offline
Posts: 11

Erm, i know this is a little unusal, but this is the book section so it was hoping someone would listen. This my sci-fi fantasy/space opera story called Star Strike. I've had the basic concept in my head for years but now its complete (well it needs to be proof read but thats it) It's inspired by alot of things, Star Wars, Naruto, FMA, Bleach, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica (the remake, not the crappy original lol). If you are gonna read it, try and imagine it in anime form, cause thats what. I did lol.

I'll give you the brief synopsis:

June 13th 1947:
An Alien spacecraft crashes in the New Mexican desert. 70 miles outside of Roswell USA.

July 8th 1947:
The Roswell Army Air Field states a press release claiming a flying saucer has been recovered. Later that same day, the Commanding General states that it was Merely a "weather balloon".

September 24th 1947:
President Truman authorises the creation of "Majestic-12". A group authorised to research into UFOs after the incident. It was kept secret...

Unknown date 1978:
More aliens return to collect the survivors from the crash. During this time, the United States government set up various deals, as an exchange for alien technology.

The result of the alien technology has lead to the creation of the ultimate weapons in the hands of the United States government, and they're near completion. The result- the end of mankind. Now it's up to one boy, who has been bestoed with the power of the heavens to stop this from happening....


lol. Before i go any further, I am not a major alien conspiracy nut. I do happen to believe that the US government is keeping the aliens a secret, but I don't do alot about it lol. The only reason I did the research into the conspiraces was for this first book in the series. Once it gets past the first Story it becomes more like a space opera like Star Wars. The first book is just a giant plot device to get the main character into space.

Anyway without further ado here it is:

Chapter 1:
Chapter 2:
Chapter 3:
Chapter 4:
Chapter 5:
Chapter 6:
Chapter 7:
Chapter 8:
Chapter 9:
Chapter 10:

Oh btw this is all copyrighted. Read at the bottom of each page:

© Copyright 2006 grandkaijudomaster (FictionPress ID:550001). All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of grandkaijudomaster.
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Old 07-20-2007
stillrockingthevote stillrockingthevote is offline
Posts: 31

I think it sounds interesting, but you'll need to really write well in order for it to work.

Sorry for not reading, but I'm kinda pressed for time at the moment.
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Old 07-21-2007
Readout Readout is offline
Posts: 77

I read the first chapter so far. I like it, it has lots of potential and is pretty good, (besides the need for proof reading and a few punctuation marks etc.)
If I could give two pieces of constructive criticism, I would say that caps lock kind of reduces the drama of the crash scene, and that if the aliens have personal names, the name of their species wouldn't got amis instead of "the aliens." And thats it. I thought it was really good.
So good infact, I'm even gonna lazify the links for you :-)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
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Old 10-12-2007
limeygirl714 limeygirl714 is offline
Posts: 759

no offence but i always skim if i can't get into something if you know what i mean but i have to say it seems good even if i did NOT read the whole thing but i have to say i do the same thing with my own stories so that kinda means i think they're boring wich will do nothing for my writing career but i have to say to anyone who is trying keep up the good work and don't give up thanx for reading this by the way <img src='/images/emoticons/smiley1.png'>
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Old 10-13-2007
LordLogical LordLogical is offline
Posts: 62

It's an interesting read, but it lacks fluency. When you say "boom" you should describe the explosion in different words that mesh with the feeling of the situation.
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Old 10-24-2007
Nobody Nobody is offline
Posts: 52

I didn't have time to read it all, or any more than bits and pieces of chapter one, but it's very good and I will definately read more when I can. I hope you get it published soon, but the main thing is that you've written it. That's really awesome. I've had an idea for a trilogy in my head for years, same as you, but at the moment I havn't got too much written. I'll post again once I've read more.
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Old 10-24-2007
M3gaUltraChicken M3gaUltraChicken is offline
Posts: 108

Pretty interesting and would probably be pretty good if you wrote more proffesionally. No offense; I probably couldn't have written it that good anyhow.
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Old 10-25-2007
XXunknownX XXunknownX is offline
Posts: 17

kewl. Join Mah book club
[sp] it's good!
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Old 07-02-2008
aikouikirisu aikouikirisu is offline
Posts: 12

I'll give it a read. ^___^ I'm a writer as well...

I have six stories... but one is my absolute favorite. Skwee. Sweet Nightmare.
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Old 07-25-2008
Elbarto Elbarto is offline
Posts: 42

I admire you for finishing your story! I have several plots running around in my head, and i've started writing two of them. But until my damn cold goes away, I cant concentrate on writing anything....

Ill give it a read later but it sounds pretty cool! Good on ya!
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Old 07-29-2008
EpicPhail EpicPhail is offline
Posts: 12

I congratulate you on finishing it! I'm not much into Sci-Fi; I like Thrillers/Mystery better.

Now, I've skimmed over the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. It was well written.
The story was exciting and what not. [ Maybe, I'll have to get into Sci-Fi again for this. XD ]

I did pick out a few mistakes. For instance, you lack commas. But, I did notice you said it needs proofread.
But, you, kind of, also reuse a lot of words. For instance, 'replied'. When someone answers someone, in what I've read, the dialogue is almost always followed by 'he replied.' It gets repetitive and makes me lose my interest.

Just a few tips. ^^
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